Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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