i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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