so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
