Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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