Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
