it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
