first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
accomplished twins. life is a go
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
