I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
