Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
