stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
