btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My cat gives me a boner
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
