I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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