Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
