just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
