I accidentally had phone sex last night
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
