sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
