i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
