I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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