He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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