I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
