she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
