the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
