He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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