you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
