So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
