She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
