I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
