btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
