Buhtt sex?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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