No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
