if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
