forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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