But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
