Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
