There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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