Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
