So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
