That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
