Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
