I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
