I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
