I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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