Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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