She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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