At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
