woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
