just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
