You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
