I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
