Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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