I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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