FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
