Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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