it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
